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Not giving up !!

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Willpower....I has it...i think *lol*

So before I even begin today's entry, I just wanted to let ya'll know that as of last friday (the 22nd), I weighed in at 274.6. I'm kind of upset that I forgot to log it on MyFitness Pal, but luckily, I had it entered on notepad on my phone. 

Anyways, How ya'll doing ?! 

The past like 2 days has been kind of hard for me. I'm trying sooo hard not to go insane with the junk, but the past few days I have been craving salty and sweet things like crazy. I guess it makes sense, cause "aunt flo" SHOULD be making her visit around the 8th of next month (TMI, I know lol), and usually, about a week or two before that happens, I eat more than usual, and usually its alot of salty and sweet foods, sometimes even salty & sweet combined. 

I'm rambling again, but yea, my point is, I have a bag of chips that I bought at Dollarama to do a taste test video on for my youtube channel, which I already shown in my dollarama haul video I recorded (going up in february), and I know, I COULD very well eat it and replace the bag to film the taste test with, but I don't want to lie to my sparks, I wouldn't feel right, so I'm not touching it. I could easily film that and just add it to my footage, but like I was telling my sister Fifi, I don't have all the things I want to get for the video yet, which is why I'm waiting till february. 

Having it in my cupboard (or my dollarama shelf as my brother Jubjub calls it lol), is a great test to my willpower. Every time I go in the cupboard for something, I see the bag, and its almost like my craving amplifies. I'm doing good so far, I've had this bag since last wednesday, and usually by now, that would've been done on like the same day or next day max. So I think I'm doing better with my willpower. 

Some of you may be saying to yourself, "what's the point of today's entry then", and honestly, I don't know. I was tempted to grab the chips, and instead I came online and decided to write in my blog. I guess its my way of keeping my mind off of it.

For those who don't know, I have an eating disorder called "Compulsive OverEating", yes, its a real thing, google it, cause I'm not talking about it in today's post, I'll touch on it in another post coming soon. As someone with a disorder, this is a HUGE feat for me. Keeping a bag of chips for a week (longer by the time the first rolls around), is a big challenge for someone like me. Its almost akin to putting pills infront of a recovering addict and expecting them not to touch them no matter how tempting it is. 

(Before anyone gets all judgemental, YES, I can use that analogy because I speak from experience, I AM a recovering addict, which I will talk about in an upcoming post.)

One day at a time they say, but for me, its more like, one hour at a time. 

I'm proud of myself so far. I just hope my willpower holds up long enough....its only 6 more days till the first....I can do this ! 

I think. 

Talk to you guys soon, I'm off to play some games on my ipad till its time to make supper.


What about ya'll....  
What do you guys do when you are craving something but need to keep your willpower strong to not indulge ? Let me know some of your tips in the comments.  

Friday, January 15, 2016

TRYING to get my health back on track.

Good evening my little Sparks ! (as well as newcomers to my blog). What's good with ya'll ? Hope you are doing good this wonderful Friday evening. 

If you've read my blog post from Jan 3rd, you would know that I said one of my goals for this year is to try to get my health back on track. 

Now, I've had abit of backlash about that one, because people are assuming that it means I am once again ashamed of my body image, which is so NOT the case. I'll admit, I still partly miss my former skinny self, but I have come to accept and even embrace my plus sized body. I know I look good, no matter the size I am. I mean obviously, since many of my usernames or urls reflect that, as did my username for my youtube channel. I'm not looking to become skinny again, I just want to be healthier in general. 

I do, however want to lose a few pounds. I'm not doing a "diet" per se, but I'm trying my best to change my eating habits. If you think about it, that is better than any fad diet anyhow. 9 times outta 10, any weight you lose while on a fad diet, you tend to gain it all back plus some. This way, I lose it slowly, and it'll be more easy to keep off in the long run. Fad diets don't last forever, so when you lose the weight you want, and you stop, the weight comes back. Changing your eating habits can last a life time, which provides long term benefits.

I decided to track my progress using the app "MyFitnessPal". As you can see on the main pag of my blog, I have a badge that shows how much I'm losing since I started tracking my weight. I started on January 1st, weighing in at 274lbs. I normally weigh myself every Friday morning, but this morning was so stressful I completely forgot, so I'll be weighing myself tomorrow morning. If you're on MFP, you can add me as a friend, I don't use the food diary right now, but I'll be starting that very soon. Right now I just update my weight. My username on there is  ChispaLaReina

Last week I went up to 278.4, but I didn't freak out or allow myself to get upset over it, because I know exactly why I went up. One was because Jan 7th was our Christmas (my family celebrates both "regular" Christmas as well as Orthodox Christmas (or as most Ukrainians refer to it....Ukie Christmas). So seeing as it was holidays, I kind of went overboard on the perogies (our normal Ukie Christmas food), as well as being bloated from it being "that time of the month".

Anyways, point being, I have started slowly changing my eating habits. I already have made a HUGE step by completely giving up sodas cold turkey. I noticed that my migraines used to be more frequent and more severe when I was drinking sodas, as well as my left foot (well both to be honest, but moreso the left) would become swollen and sore when I had too much soda. I used to try to justify my consumption of sodas by saying things like "the caffeine helps my migraines", "its cheaper than juice", etc... But in all honesty, I just didn't want to admit that I was addicted to the sugar in the sodas. Then I realized that the sodas weren't HELPING my migraines like I thought, infact, I was having migraines because my body was craving the sugars, so of course the pain would subside when you get some soda in your system. Its almost like an addict finally getting a hit of whatever they are addicted to. (I can say that, because as some of you know, I was addicted to pain killers for many years...but that's a topic for another blog). 

I don't eat much bread anymore, I eat alot more vegetables and things like cashews, almonds, peanuts, etc.. I also don't fry my food anymore, I either pan sear it in EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) or I bake it in the oven. Much healthier that way. I also drink alot of water throughout the day. I've given up alot of sweets and junk like chips and stuff. Don't get me wrong, I still eat it from time to time, but I don't go overboard now like I used to. Back in the day, if I had 5$, I'd go straight to the junk food aisle in the grocery store, now, I go for things like yogurt, fruits, etc..

I also am a tad more active now than I used to be. I do activities with my daughter, we dance around the house to music together, do some exercises in the basement, and when the weather is nice enough, we go for walks together. I know its nothing big, but at least its a start. Gotta start somewhere. Eventually I'll work my way up to doing 

I'm hoping I can stick to it this time, I've said in the past I would do this, but gave up when I got discouraged, especially when I didn't see any changes. But I want to be around for years to come to watch my daughter grow up. And who knows, maybe losing some weight will actually help my depression some. I don't know for sure, but its worth a try. 

So I hope you follow me on my journey, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going. Feel free to leave me some tips and tricks in the comments section below, I'm interested to hear all kinds of tips. Not just in terms of food habits, but all kinds of tips that can improve someone's health, especially if you have tips on migraine relief that doesn't require pills, or that doesn't cost an arm and a leg to try.

Just do me a favor, don't try to push the vegetarian or vegan lifestyle on me, it works for some, but I love meat too much for that. Some of my closest friends are vegans, and I applaud them for being so commited to that lifestyle, but its not for me.  I am in NO way putting that lifestyle down, so please don't think I'm hating. I have tried some vegetarian dishes, and they are pretty good, I just can't see myself commiting to such a big change right now. Maybe in the future, but for now, I can't see me giving up pork, chicken, steak and especially BACON. *lol* 

Sorry for making this post so long, hope ya'll are still with me hehe. Have a great weekend and talk to you again soon. 

P.s.... Let me know in the comments what you have planned for the weekend. Personally, my daughter and I will most likely be working on some crafts we've been planning since after Christmas holidays even started, as well as I want to read more of the book I've been reading for months now, I kinda been slacking since becoming hooked on a game on my ipad. lol.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Young at Heart || Never Too Old For Video Games !

I don't care what anyone says, 
I firmly believe that playing video games does NOT make you immature or childish. 

Okay, let me explain where this all came from....

I was having a conversation with my father this morning, and he mentioned how he thinks its childish for anyone over the age of like, 25 or so, to still buy/ collect videogames and even more so to still play them. 

Well that started a heated debate with us.

As any of you who know me personally know, I am 38 years old. So being that age, I take offense to that statement, because I do indeed still buy videogames, and I still play them too ! I know many people my age, even older as well, who still play games. They are far from childish or immature, believe me ! 

I can't speak for every adult gamer, but I know for myself, playing video games actually helps me to relax. Even more so, when I'm in a really bad mood, or when my depression and anxiety is acting up, playing video games helps to change my mood. 

Contrary to popular belief, not every person who spends time and money on video games is addicted to it, and CAN still function as a "normal" adult. Sure, there are the occasional addicts who spend every waking moment playing games, and who allow it to affect their lives, including going broke because they would rather spend money on a game as opposed to taking care of their responsabilities, but I am certainly not one of them ! 

My responsabilities are always taken care of first before anything. My daughter is well cared for, my bills are paid, there is food in our fridge, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads. I NEVER ignore my daughter to concentrate on a game, when she comes to ask me for something, I pause the game, or even shut it off. Infact, my love of video games has brought us closer together, because now that she is old enough to understand many of the games I play, we play many games together. That's just one of the many ways we spend quality time together and bond. That shut up my father quick when I brought up those facts to him, because in all honesty, he can't even argue with that. He KNOWS my daughter comes first before anything.

Not all video games we play are console based either, many of the games we play are pc based, offline games as well as some facebook games, and and even greater number are on our tablets. Yes, those are still considered video games, despite the argument many avid gamers will try to tell you. Obviously, or else they would be called something else in the app store (or google play), but the category they are in is called GAMES, so obviously, they ARE games.

I don't know if I really have a specific point to today's blog entry, I just needed to get that off my chest and inform people, especially those who are adamant that video games are only for children, that being an adult and playing video games does NOT mean you are childish or immature. 

Yes, SOME people can be classified that way, BUT it has NOTHING to do with the fact that they continue to play video games. 

Just check out this site, that lists FIFTEEN (15) benefits to playing video games. 

A quick google search for "How playing video games benefit you"  produces so many pages with different types of benefits to gamers. 

So next time someone tells you that you're being childish for playing video games, show them this blog post, or just pull up one of the many sites you can find on google that shows the benefits. That should shut them up for abit. If not, then just look at them and tell them straight up, they are just sayin it cause they are just jealous of you, cause either they don't know how to play video games, or don't have time to relax a little like you do. 

That's it for now, I think I've rambled on long enough *lol*. Let me know in the comments below, what do you think ? Also, let me know in the comments, do YOU play video games still, and if so, what platform(s) do you play on ? What are some of your favorite games ? 

I play my console games on xbox 360 right now, I'm an xbox girl through and through, however, I MAY in the future come back to the psn. I've always said that the ONLY reason I even consider playing on playstation, is that you don't need to buy a specific subscription to play online with other players like you do on xbox. However, that won't deter me from continuing to show love to xbox. 

If you play any games on iOS based devices, and want to add me to GameCenter, my username is ChispaLaReina, feel free to send me a request. 

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Happy New Year !

How you guys doing ?

You haven't given up on me, (or my blog) yet have you ? 

I know I've been really bad at posting on here, and in the past I have said that I would post more frequently and didn't. This time that's all going to change. I can't say I'll post every day, cause even for me that's kind of much, but I will post as much as I can. 

I've heard comments from people who have said things like, "well you stay home all day, so how can you not have time ?". Its simple, I do have a child to take of, plus with my depression, some days I just don't feel like doing much of anything, let alone come on the computer to write in my blog. Truth be told, there are some days, I even have to force myself to film any videos for my youtube channel. But since I love it so much and am trying to make something of my channel, I get it done somehow. 

Anyways, getting off subject here, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and a fun New Year's eve. I didn't do much this year. My family is still mourning the passing of my grandmother, so we didn't much feel like celebrating. Honestly, only reason we celebrated at all was for my daughter's sake. She was excited about Christmas, so I made dinner for the family and put up a few decorations, but not nearly as much as in previous years. 

New year's eve was pretty much the same as every year has been for as long as I can remember. We sit around eating some good food while watching Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve on ABC. The only difference this year, is that granny wasn't here to watch the ball drop with us. 

So have you made any new year's resolutions ? 

I've decided not to make any "resolutions" this year. Instead, I made a list of goals that I want to accomplish within the next 12 months of 2016. I find that making goals instead of resolutions makes it slightly easier to accomplish, because when we make resolutions, many times, they are broken within the first week or so of the new year. 

Here's a pic of the goals I made for myself that I printed out and put on my walla right next to my computer so I'll see it all the time. (click the pic to enlarge it to be able to read my goals).

Those are the goals that are important to me. And I think they are easily accomplished if I put my mind to it. 

That's it for now, I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I'll talk to you again soon !!